Gift-giving to sports figures who have everything requires a bit of creativity

Because I'm writing a feature on Evans native Forrest Griffin for Wednesday's (Christmas Eve edition) paper, I decided to go ahead and spread a little holiday cheer a few days early.

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A lot of athletes and coaches today have everything, so I had to get a little creative when deciding what to get the "sports figure" who has everything.

Tommy Tuberville: If you have listened to my radio show at all, you will know that I am far from a Tuberville fan. So, because the former Auburn coach has plenty of time on his hands now, I would like to give him season tickets to the Augusta Lynx.

Heck, I'm feeling generous -- I'll throw in Augusta Colts season passes for his buddy Phil Fulmer, too.

South Carolina football: Even though I could do without "the ol' ball coach," Steve Spurrier, Lord knows the Gamecock fans deserve a little happiness this holiday season.

So, I will give them a decent offensive line.

That is something they haven't had in more than a decade (and virtually my lifetime). With a decent line, this team could probably be in the hunt in the SEC East.

Terrell Owens: I would like to send T.O. a complete DVD box set of the MTV reality show, The Hills . From the way he seems to enjoy being at the heart of drama, this is a perfect holiday gift.

T.O.'s Dallas Cowboys teammates: I'd like to give them tickets to Atlanta's wild-card playoff game. They will be off then after missing the playoffs.

College presidents (and any decision-maker who forces the Bowl Championship Series system down our throats): I award each of them a one-hour, bare-knuckles sparring session with UFC light heavyweight champ Forrest Griffin. Griffin has not agreed to this yet, but I'm sure he'd love to oblige.

Former NFL running back Travis Henry: I'd like to give Henry rights to his own baseball team. You see, Henry, despite only being 29 years old, has nine children by nine different women. That's one kid for each position on the baseball diamond. It would be a match made in heaven.

Bryant Gumbel: The HBO Real Sports host has been on my "biggest jerk in sports" list for quite some time. So, in honor of Gumbel, I will give him a mirror. He is, after all, full of himself.

And for myself this holiday season, I'm hoping for a sixth Super Bowl championship for my Steelers. Hey, I'm allowed to be greedy, aren't I?