God's gravity gets a laugh

Not that there was ever any doubt, but a story the other day provides more evidence that there is a God, and that He has a sense of humor.

//

After the horrific events of last week, we need all the reassurance we can get.

So here's the setup. We've all seen the young wannabe thugs wearing baggy pants that hang off their rear ends. Of all the fashion statements ever, this one has got to be the most absurd - and other than impossibly high heels, it is the clearly the most difficult to wear.

Just spend a few minutes anywhere the baggy fashion statement is in vogue, and you'll see why: The young men can't walk two steps without hitching and pulling. A recent medical report even noted physical injuries some wearers sustain because of the waddling walk they adopt to keep their pants up.

I always get a laugh out of that gait: It reminds me of a toddler shuffling away from his training potty, looking for help in cleaning his bottom. (Just think of this image the next time you see a baggy-wearer, and try not to laugh.)

All this provides the groundwork to tell this story, in case you didn't see it in the Police Blotter the other day.

We start our tale just after 1 a.m. April 12. William Heath Beasley, a 25-year-old Grovetown man, was accused of running from Columbia County deputies.

A police report says a deputy saw Beasley make an illegal U-turn on Old Evans Road and Blue Ridge Drive, and Beasley sped off when the deputy turned on his blue lights and siren.

Beasley finally pulled over at the Blue Ridge Crossing neighborhood, where he jumped out of the car and ran.

He didn't get far. You know what happened next.

Deputies say Beasley loped about 20 yards before his baggy pants fell down around his knees, tripping him to the ground. Deputies quickly caught the entangled man, charged him with a bunch of traffic violations and obstruction of an officer. He's also facing a probation violation in Richmond County, which probably explains why he tried to run in the first place.

And somewhere God, whose well-timed yank of gravity did its job, is rolling with laughter. I believe He sometimes needs comic relief, too.

Big bucks in 10th

A few candidates probably felt like they'd been caught with their pants down last week when the Federal Elections Commission posted finance reports for candidates seeking the 10th District U.S. congressional seat.

Filing for the race began this week, and the disclosures give clues to the candidates' strength.

- Leading the pack is state Sen. Jim Whitehead. He's showing $243,000 cash on hand from donations totalling $265,000. His disclosure reads like a Who's Who of well-heeled locals. Even without Whitehead's $100,000 loan to himself, his donations are more than double the amount of any other contender.

- A very distant second is Athens Dr. Paul Broun. His disclosure lists $67,000 cash on hand from donations of $68,000, and it also lists $80,000 from himself.

- Ranking third on the list is Bill Greene of Commerce, whose far-flung contributions undoubtedly come from viewers of his RightWatch Web site. He's listed in the FEC report with $38,600 cash on hand from $60,000 in contributions.

But how about this: Guess who, in the 10th District, has the most cash on hand - more than all these contenders combined?

It's none other than the man whose death created the vacancy for which all these candidates are running. The most recent disclosure from Charlie Norwood's campaign shows it still has $781,000 cash on hand.

Barry L. Paschal is publisher of The Columbia County News-Times. E-mail barry.paschal at newstimesonline.com.