Hemis and other needs

As one ages, there are certain things that we believe necessary to continue our productive lives within the community. Certainly there are the obvious assets such as home, automobile and the ability to purchase needed extras when needed.

I have a wish list of my personal "extras" and don't appreciate certain family and friends making light of this list. First of all, I want a Hemi. I have a Dodge Durango. Why can't I have a Hemi? From the ads on TV, it just looks like a little box you place of top of the engine and it makes the vehicle go faster. Friends tell me I don't need to go faster. Family tells me I watch too much television. Sorry; it's my wish list, not theirs.

I also believe in diamonds. As many as possible. I don't think many of my female friends disagree with this. The men, however, can find a multitude of reasons not to "waste your money" on such trivial nonsense. They believe a glass ring would serve the same purpose. Excuse me? They also believe diamonds never increase in value. So what? Neither do those golf clubs they purchased last month. To them, that's different. Golf is like a household expense.

A full-time maid and cook is on my list. If anybody truly knew how much I hate doing housework, they would back me up in this. It would save a lot of time and trouble and keep me out of the loony bin. Cooking is not too terribly bad but, after so many years of standing in the middle of your kitchen looking dazed and confused over a recipe that didn't turn out right, it would be nice to blame somebody else for the failure.

My son believes he knows all there is to know about cooking and tells me if I follow the recipe, it will all turn out all right. Sure, it will. Tell that to the poor chicken who gave its life to my oven only to have it fail miserably.

Shopping for clothes is good. Shopping for groceries is not good. Clothes make you feel good. Unless you wind up having to buy a size bigger than you did last year. Definitely not a feel-good shopping trip.

Groceries have become a full-time job for me. I spend hours clipping coupons and wind up buying new stuff I'd never try if I didn't have the dollar-off discount. Never mind the fact that particular item costs $10 which, in the long run, means I've wasted $9 because my family does not do well with new and different food products. Tried a new recipe for pork roast and wound up using it as a doorstop the next day.

Other wishes are for unlimited spending power at Windsor Jewelers, a new SUV every year, going on a two-week cruise every year and the ability to have my body shrink-wrapped down to a size 10 and a guarantee that it will never increase in size for 12 months.

(Pat Fickle is a Martinez resident.)