Once upon a time in a small community in Columbia County, state of Georgia, United States of America, a young family purchased a house in a new subdivision. They had made the decision to move there mainly for the great school system, but also to get away from the populated and heavy traffic area that had plagued them for the past seven years.
It was the mid-1970s, and life was good. The husband/father had a good job, the wife/mother was a slim homebody who had decided early on to raise their blonde angel herself. No daycare or babysitters for this perfect son. Their back yard was nothing but woods, which housed deer, raccoons, hawks and the unwelcome possum.
Then came the 80s. The husband still left for work every day and the wife discovered she needed to get out of the house more. The son had become a teen-ager. Need I say more? She began working part-time which turned into full-time, which turned into a lifestyle change. Fast food for lunch, quickie dinners at night and soon the wife was a not-so-slim woman. Friends referred to her as pleasantly plump.
Their quiet home now backed up to a four-lane highway and office buildings. Know that old saying about not being able to fight city hall? Trust me, its true.
By the time the 90s arrived, she was fed up, tired of working 24 hours a day and 30 pounds heavier than when first moving to Martinez. She was now known as a portly woman. Quitting her job, she concentrated on writing and, by the mid 90s, had two perfect grandchildren to enjoy. Of course, this meant keeping chocolate in the house at all times, ordering pizza when they came to visit and, on special occasions, preparing chicken fingers deep fried. Add a few more pounds.
Now were entering a new century. The father has turned into a golfing grandpa, the mother is now a full fledged granny, complete with all the trimmings. You know what Im talking about; round jolly cheeks, full-bodied middle and a view from the back that a Mack truck would admire. This granny will also be looking forward to the grandchildren turning into teen-agers. It will be fun. Payback is great.
However, this granny is once again turning over a new leaf. Keep in mind shes been doing this for more than 20 years on every first of January. I will lose weight! In fact, Ive already dropped 10 pounds.
But I still need help from all of you. If you see me walking down the street, please dont tell me how great I look. Ive still got about 40 pounds to drop. On the other hand, dont say anything nasty unless you like being confronted by a sobbing, emotionally distraught woman who might beat you with whatever means available - purse, shoe, fist, etc. Might be best to just walk on by.
When I try to diet, nobody likes to be around me. Not only am I depriving my body of what it believes to be a natural intake of fat and chocolate, but my brain keeps asking for a plausible reason as to why Im doing this.
(Pat Fickle is a Martinez resident.)
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