Moving! What a stupid idea!

How about that: Time magazine decides to get religion and put Jesus on the cover, just as our boys in the Fourth Infantry Division nab Sad-dam Hussein. That bumped Christ off Page 1.

The amazing thing for me, though, was that I had to rely on my in-laws to tell me about Saddam's capture. We moved this weekend (different house, same neighborhood, temporary while we pretend to get ready to build a mansion - hah - in Evans). As a result I was completely out of touch the whole weekend. I also will be sore for the rest of my life, though I learned valuable lessons that could help anyone contemplating a move.

First, don't. Unless your current residence is on fire and a rescue worker is actually pulling you from your flaming window, just stay put. It's much less stressful. Come to think of it, staying in a burning home is probably less stressful than moving.

But if you are forced to move by some reason beyond your control - say, they're building a Kroger where your home used to be - here are some suggestions:

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About two years prior to your move, start collecting boxes. This will be to pack up all the junk that you should instead have sorted through to donate to Goodwill (if someone else would want it) or haul to the landfill (if it only has "sentimental" value - by which I mean "anyone else recognizes a piece of autographed sheetrock as garbage").

While real moving boxes are well worth the cost, you can get cheap cartons by asking around at stores. If you don't mind your new neighbors thinking a bootlegging operation is moving in next door, you can scavenge good boxes at liquor stores.

Buy one of those strapping-tape dispensers, and lots of tape. You'll need it to tape your children's mouths shut when they start whining about having to pack their rooms up. It also comes in handy for sealing boxes filled with items of "sentimental value" that you will store, unopened, until your next move.

Or until your house burns down from the spontaneous combustion of all that cardboard.Sounds like fun, huh? I've finally figured out that it isn't basic training that makes soldiers tough; it's all that moving. Maybe that's why uniforms are called "fatigues."

Get informed

But enough about my misery: Let's inflict some on the populace by sending them to a two-hour meeting with lots of politicians!Actually, our local legislative delegation, after meeting most of the morning Thursday with the county's elected officials, are holding a "town hall" session 6:30-8:30 p.m. Thursday in Court Room 1 of the Justice Center in Evans. To make sure the elected and appointed officials outnumber actual residents at the session, lawmakers have invited state education, health and transportation representatives, and a U.S. Department of Education official. In all seriousness, these folks are setting up a significant block of time for Columbia County residents, and the local delegation has done a great job of bringing in some top-flight officials to inform the populace. So populate the courtroom Thursday, and be informed.

Love thy neighbor

Thursday morning, at West Lake's clubhouse, Robert J. Ellis is scheduled to inform members of the Columbia County Exchange Club about his plans to challenge U.S. Rep. Charlie Norwood for his 9th District congressional seat.Like Norwood, Ellis is an Evans resident. Unlike Norwood, Ellis is a Democrat, which means few of his Evans neighbors will vote for him. Ellis' own precinct has regularly given Republican candidates upwards of 80 percent of the vote in the general election.But hey, you've got to give credit to anyone willing to take on an incumbent congressman, though I'm sure it's easier than moving.

(Barry L. Paschal is publisher of The Columbia County News-Times. E-mail comments to bpaschal@newstimesonline.com.)