Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays.
Well, maybe its not really considered a holiday by everybody. Only by kids and kids at heart like me.
When I was very young, a very long time ago, we were able to go out by ourselves. No parental concerns about their children being harmed in any way, no checking each and every piece of candy to make sure theres nothing dangerous planted inside, and no making your child wear reflective vests over their costume so cars will avoid hitting them.
So much for the serious stuff. In my vast experience with trick or treaters, there are three types of the little beggars.
The first group is my favorite. Theyre little ones with huge eyes holding their parents hand with a death grip. You can almost read their minds. Is she really going to give me candy? Why would this strange lady give me candy? Especially when mom and dad always tell me to never take anything from strangers?
Think about it; it would kind of negate all those things youre trying to teach them.
Nevertheless, I always give them a handful of chocolate after they manage to say the magic words, Trick or Treat! Sometimes they do. Sometimes theyre dumbstruck.
To be truthful, they all get candy whether they open their mouths or not.
The second group of moochers are aged from 8 to 13. Some have escorts. Others do not. Most of them are still cute. They definitely know how to say the magic words, but theyre usually followed by, Smell my feet. Give me something good to eat.
Kids that age think its hysterical to ask adults to smell their feet. Go figure. Once again, I give out handfuls of candy. No questions asked.
The third group scares me to death. They all sport goatees and mustaches. Most of them dont bother with a costume. They figure intimidation works best.
Theyre right. They dont get handfuls of candy. They each get a bag apiece. I tend to react to threats of egging my house, keying my car or decorating my yard with toilet paper. I react with great fear.
OK, please dont send letters to the editor. Remember, this is just a humorous column. I would never give a teen-ager an entire bag of candy.
Im too cheap.
(Pat Fickle is a Martinez resident.)
The Columbia County News-Times ©2013. All Rights Reserved.