• Comment

Adams: House rules

Posted: January 10, 2018 - 1:24am

The dinging of our doorbell at 7 a.m. Jan. 2 alerted me to the beginning of the New Year. The harsh, insistent sound signaled the end of the holidays. It seemed as if 2018 had just arrived the day before. Now it was picking up speed and someone was pressing the doorbell button over and over.

My eyes flew open, reacting to the irritation. I wanted whoever was out there to realize he was ringing the doorbell in vain. I wanted him both to fear that I would answer the door with a fierce reproach and to give up on the possibility of me ever coming to the door.

Then I remembered that Georgia pulled off their huge win against Oklahoma, and a warm, happy feeling stirred in my chest. I recalled how everyone in my living room nearly died of a heart attack the night before, how we held our breath and crossed our fingers to glorious victory. All the while, someone persisted in reminding me he wasn't enjoying such a leisurely start to 2018.

I sat up. "Our refrigerator!" I said to my groggy husband. "I think that's our refrigerator."

"That's the doorbell," he mumbled. He,gave no indication of intent to rush headlong into the New Year or to investigate at that early hour.

"No. I think that's delivery of the fridge I ordered," I explained. I can't blame him for his confusion. I put in for the fridge way back on Nov. 7. As notice after notice of its back order status came, we trained our anticipation on other things, like Christmas and New Year's and what we might have for dinner on a Thursday night.

"Who delivers appliances at 7 a.m. in 15 degree weather," he asked, pulling a pillow over his head.

"Sadists. Go see, please."

It was like Christmas morning all over again. Santa sent his two best non-English-speaking helpers just to bring my new refrigerator and dishwasher. After a polite but challenging exchange with my spouse, they deposited the two large boxes on the front porch.

My excitement activated House Rule #1 for the very first, but unlikely the last, time of 2018. House Rule #1 is simple: If I buy something expensive, it will be damaged, broken or lost. If I really like a particular possession, it will be damaged, broken or lost. If I treasure something with sentimental value, it will be damaged, broken or lost. If I apply effort to creating something, it will be damaged, broken or lost. If I set aside something important for future use, it will be damaged, broken or lost. House Rule #1 succinctly states that there shall be nothing nice in my house.

House Rule #1 is why my husband, who, with our youngest son, wrestled the refrigerator through the front door and down the hall to the kitchen, said, "We got a scratch on it."

I cut my eyes in his direction.

"Can you see the scratch?" he asked.

"No," I answered. "I don't want to look." Thus, I invoked House Rule #2: If something expensive or liked or valued or needed is damaged, broken or lost, put on blinders, pretend not to notice, and make it work. House Rule #2 is why I'm happy with our new refrigerator and the new year, scratches, dings, and all.

 

  • Comment