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Is it hot in here, or is it me?

Posted: July 28, 2013 - 12:00am

Every year around this time, I write an article about the weather, and every year it’s concerning the heat and my reaction to it. My body has always produced an excessive amount of sweat, but not to the point of making my stomach queasy and my head dizzy. I know this sounds like heat stroke, but I’m not in it enough to cause that.

The commercials on TV are always showing families playing outside – touch football, tennis, volleyball or baseball. How can they stand it? The answer to that question I get from my friends is, “They all are young, stupid!” Guess they have a point about them being young while I’m sort of “getting up there in age.” Still, they’ve got to be uncomfortable.

I believe ads should only be about air-conditioning and ice packs. By 2 in the afternoon, my clothes are wet and sticky, and I take two to three showers a day. Can you imagine yourself (if you are also “getting up there in age) out in 100-degree weather playing baseball and running from base to base? I honestly believe I would die.

My family and I are going to the beach next week. Oh, boy, won’t that be fun? I love to walk on the beach, mainly because there’s usually a cool breeze hitting you. The last time I tried, my cane kept getting stuck in the sand, which made it virtually impossible to walk. Tommy, however, is determined to get me by the water’s edge. He says he’ll walk with me. Great. Like a dad walking with a child to keep him from harm.

Actually, little ones and I have a lot in common. They sometimes cannot walk without help. I cannot walk without help all the time. They fall a lot. I fall a lot. The only difference is a dad can swoop up a child with no problem at all. I need a crane.

People are always commenting on how much better food tastes outside. I like food outside, too, but only in 75- degree weather or below. Why would I want to sit over my plate with sweat dropping and flies trying to steal my hot dog? Besides, some of my favorite foods are potato salad, macaroni salad, cheesecake and ice cream. After sitting out in 100 degree weather, they all taste rancid.

Bikinis. That’s a buzz word for me. I never really wore a bikini but did have several two-piece swimsuits and a few skin-tight, one-piece suits. Now I have one bathing suit. It has a skirt. I have to cover up all my lumps. In fact, I’m much more comfortable in shorts and large T-shirts. Maybe I’m just jealous. Too old to wear bikinis. Too embarrassed to wear a skirt.

Guess that’s my yearly gripe-fest about summertime. Please don’t write the paper. And please don’t let it ruin your summer. Those will be ruined for you in about 20 or 30 years. Mark my words.

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