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Help! My house is disappearing!

Posted: August 20, 2014 - 12:22am  |  Updated: August 20, 2014 - 2:01am

Some mysterious monsters are taking over my house. Things are disappearing and being moved without me knowing about it.

I used to have three trees standing on the far corner of my backyard. Two were in pretty good shape, but the third was skinny and very fragile. When we had really bad storms, I would sit out back worrying whether it was going to fall either in my neighbor’s yard or the business offices out back. I was sitting out there the other day, and the third tree had disappeared. Talk about being psyched out!

I walked out to see where the stump was and there was no sign of a tree ever being there. Now I was getting worried about my frame of mind. Aging authorities will tell you that your mind begins to play tricks on you at my age, but this was ridiculous. And my family was of no help at all. Tommy must have told me ten times that there never was a third tree. Come on, guys! This is the house I’ve lived in since 1975. The house (and back yard) are a part of me. Now I don’t dare say anything about the missing tree because it starts the game of “let’s make fun of Granny” all day long.

The only answer I’ve come up with is little green men came in the middle of the night and cut it down and magically left no sign of it. Hopefully, I can get a decisive answer the next time some of my friends come to visit. Because we used to talk about that third tree all the time and how I should get it cut down because it blew around so much. Let me say if they tell me we never had any such conversations, I really am going to go crazy. I’ll be sure to let you all know.

As far as things moving themselves around the house, let’s start with a bottle of Tums. Last time I went to the store, I had a little upset stomach when arriving back home. I hunted for the Tums, found them, took two and placed them on the counter. Then when I started putting up the groceries, I couldn’t find them. I searched all over the kitchen, twice, then went out to buy another bottle. Upon arriving home, I immediately saw them where I had left them on the counter. Am I going crazy? I don’t know. You tell me. I’m too embarrassed to ask my doctor.

Then there’s my debit card. Looked all over the house and all over my car. Couldn’t find it. Called for a replacement. Next time I went somewhere, it was sticking out between the front seat and the console. Not hidden anywhere at all. Then I had to wait ten days to do anything because the old one had been cancelled and I wouldn’t be getting the new one for a while.

Same thing has happened with my driver’s license and MasterCard.

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