When I fell into bed last night I was drifting off to sleep before the covers were even properly positioned. So.Tired.
But from what? That’s what I asked myself each evening while I was up there, as I would trudge back to my hotel room filled with exactly zero other people. That many days in a row of only caring for myself? What a breeze!
I always think I’m going to have energy to get all kinds of projects done in my room each evening and I end up laying on the bed until I will myself to go find food. (It’s not quite as bad as all that, but pretty close). Basically, I’m just always surprised at how much energy it takes to sit on a couch on the set all day and talk.
Haven’t there always been discussions about what kind of work is the most tiring. Is it harder to stay at home, or leave the home to work outside it? How could what this person is doing possibly be harder than the task set before me?!
The answer of course is – it’s a mystery! Who knows whether the strain on Person A is felt more intensely than on Person B. Or how one person can easily do a task that seems epic and impossible to someone else.
The real answer is grace. And the solution to trying to figure out who has it tougher is to not compare. All any of us can do is accept the tasks put before us, to do what we are called to do. And then do it.
For me, this week, my job was about being up in Boston filming a show. And whenever it’s time for me to leave, oh, the guilt I feel. What kind of mom gets on a plane and leaves her babies? That’s the question I asked myself in the days leading up to my trip. What could possibly be more important than the life going on in my home right now?
Well, nothing is more important than these lives because these are the souls entrusted to my care. But it’s OK to step away a little bit. It’s good to assign people the tasks they need to do while I’m away – and then let them do it! It gives people a chance to grow in responsibility and is a little opportunity for me to trust in their abilities. And also, for me to trust in God.
And the truth is, when I’m gone? People seem to do just fine.
When Paul and the kids dropped me off at the airport to leave, it was sunny and 75. I was heading to a place, away from my family, where there was still snow on the ground. I was sure everyone would cry the entire way home from the airport at the thought of me being away.
A few hours later, Paul texted me pictures of the littles running through the sprinkler and the big boys playing soccer in the backyard. Everyone was soaking up the sunshine, happy and doing fine. Sure they missed me (or they would eventually), but they were getting along okay.
And here I am, home again. And everyone had a great week. It’s wonderful to be back. And now, the grace is for home.